Central City Gazette                                               Crime Beat

Friday, September 4th, 1992

Leslie Lawless

Police responded to a report of a dead body at The Spanish Fly on the 2500 block of 34th Avenue. For those unfamiliar with the establishment, this reporter has it on excellent authority that The Spanish Fly is a massage parlor that works the kinks out of lonely males, massaging the nether regions of the body. 

Employees at The Spanish Fly reach into a person’s depths, discover what the person lacks, and give that lack overdue, perhaps undue, attention.

The victim was not an employee but a patron of the parlor, a sad, lonely man whose only crime, as far as we know, was seeking companionship outside polite society, the society of his wife, for example. 

The victim’s identity has not yet been confirmed, but sources suggest he hailed from The Heights. A tourist south of the river, our man, again according to the same anonymous sources, regularly frequented several dens of inequity. 

Only the harshest puritan would suggest a lonely man deserved to die due to his penchant for illicit satisfaction, but does such libertine leniency deny the inherent risk accompanying such behavior? This reporter believes that all who venture into this city’s underbelly know the risks.

The wicked seldom end well.

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